So, this is me..... actually, this WAS me, BEFORE. This is my before picture (one of very, very few full length photos I have of myself). The after picture isn’t ready yet because I’m not done and I’m not there.... so that is something that people will have to wait to see. On September 1st 2018 I am bridesmaid at my Sister's wedding and I will be jumping into every full length photo opportunity going because I know I will be ‘almost’ there.
Since this photo I’ve lost 3 stone and 19cm off my hips and 14cm off my waist. This is a huge deal for me. I’m 37, have two very young children, am very happily married and my weight has been a massive issue since I was a child. My Sister was always so athletic and I was the one with the ‘puppy fat’ and I think it’s been a self-fulfilling prophecy since then. I have NEVER had a positive body image- which makes me kind of sad to be honest. I remember calorie counting when I was about 10 and my Mum writing me a note in my calorie book to say I was perfect just the way I was- I never felt it. So as the years have gone by, I’ve just got bigger- not all of a sudden, but gradually. I’d be the same weight for ages and then go on holiday or something, put on half a stone and never lose it. So I am serious when I say I just got bigger.
I’ve tried loads of diets and lost a maximum of 10 pounds and given up. So when I started dieting with my Mum and Sister in law, Kate in June, I was quietly hopeful but didn’t really expect much. I did exactly that, lost 10 pounds and the weight stopped falling off (slow and steady has never really sustained my interest- which I know is wrong). So there I was, 10 pounds down in about 3 weeks, getting bored and already cheating. Then something really weird happened- a series of perfectly timed events which have changed my life! Which is one of the reasons I’m writing this. If one person in my position reads this and it inspires them to make a change, then I’d be delighted.
My best and oldest friend, Gemma, knows me better than anyone else in the world and as she’s known me since we were six she has seen me, just get bigger. Gemma on the other hand, is healthy and slim and beautiful and has always cared about her fitness. She suggested I joined her training sessions, in the evenings at her local primary school (I actually laughed out loud a bit) I thought she was joking, but she so wasn’t! She told me what they did and then said we warm up by running round a field, at which point I switched off and said running isn’t my thing, I can’t come. She was actually one step ahead and went to the trainer, James and said to him that I didn’t want to run, his response was, ok she doesn’t have too. I then had all kinds of rapid thoughts, looking for other excuses. Remember the bit about Gemma knowing me really well, well, she was prepared for this so just got James to message me- which he did, on my birthday. I just sent him a really sprawling message about how unfit I was, how fat I was, how anxious I was and what an awful client I would be. This didn’t scare him, or put him off, so all of sudden I was a little more interested. I’d actually been more honest with him than I ever had been with anyone about how I felt and it actually felt good that he didn’t seem to judge me for it. Maybe it was easy to be really honest with a complete stranger, I’m not really sure. Being over weight comes with so many labels and so much judgment that my confidence was at zero and I felt people either laughed and mocked me or felt sorry for me.... none of which are that great. So the fact that I’d really put myself out there in that message made me feel proud and I felt a little twinge of motivation kick in, maybe I could just try once and see what happens. So I went to a class on a Monday, apparently it was a mix of HIT, CrossFit and circuit training (which meant nothing to me). I have never been so scared in all my life..... Gemma was there, so a massive security blanket for me (and I also had my inhaler, which become something I wouldn’t go anywhere without at risk of being out of breath and needing it- I’m not Asthmatic by the way, just really unfit). I thought I was going to throw up, especially when lots of other people turned up who were A) much thinner than me and B) clearly quite fit. I was suddenly in a fight or flight situation, so do I run, or just face this? I decided to face it and I gave it a try. Actually it was fine, the group was big enough that I didn’t stand out like a sore thumb if I couldn’t do something and small enough that James is so aware of what his clients can and can’t do that he tweaks the exercises to suit your level of fitness. I was so proud of myself afterwards, it was like I’d taken something. I was on cloud nine. I ached like I’d never ached before for days, but it felt good. I’d dipped my toe in and quite liked it. The people there didn’t judge me, they didn’t care, they are there for their own reasons and own results, why would they care about me? They don’t!
James then said, we’ll do your health check- Ha ha...... like I was going to stand on a set of scales in front of anyone else, my weight is a closely guarded secret (or it was) and he was going to measure my hips and waist. Again, I started making excuses why I simply couldn’t do this and then I thought.... I’ve come so far and taken so many steps, losing 10 pounds already, being really open with James and him responding the way he had, agreeing to exercising, it would be stupid not to tick the last box.... so I stood on those scales, with total embarrassment and I was actually dying inside. James didn’t even flinch at the number- after all he’s been there and seen it right?
This is the start of the story and is so important because the start in so many respects is the most challenging, physically, emotionally and psychologically. Once I’d broken all of my own rules and my own hang ups the world was my oyster and here I am 6 months later, 3 stone lighter and massively smaller. I have a long way to go, but I KNOW I am going to get there. I still can’t even believe I saying these things about myself. The reason it’s worked is because I’ve acknowledged that my own body image is just that, it’s ‘mine’ and no one can change that except me. I know I can’t do this alone, I need people around me that I can trust and people who can support me with this and people who can understand me and I have that in my husband, my family, my friends and James. This isn’t me trying to sell James either, I really don’t think he needs me to do that. For me, my weight and exercise journey is such a psychological and emotional one, it’s not about the ‘type’ of training, it’s about mindset and confidence and feeling able to do it and it’s massively about trust. Trust is probably one of the key things I need and in my top 5 requirements and I think it has to work both ways. I trust James, I trust that he will give me the best advice for me and I trust that he knows how far to push me and how to best bounce off my motivation. It’s an never ending circle and it is obviously working.
This isn’t just another before and after story to me, it’s my story and I’m doing it right now, Personal Training once a week with Kate (who has also done amazingly well) and 2 evening sessions, which is effectively small group personal training with Gemma (who still looks amazing). I do all of this with James (or JP Premier Fitness). I put so much pressure on myself and am self destructive with any ‘failure’ but tiny ‘failures’ (like not losing any weight in one week) now are so insignificant compared to the 42 pounds I’ve lost. I have to look back, I have to remind myself how far I’ve come and I have to pinch myself that I turn up to train and I don’t feel like the unfit, fat one anymore, I can (for the most part) hold my own. I also have been called ‘inspiring’ by other people wanting to lose weight which is mouth openingly amazing to me! If me now said all this to the me 7 months ago I’d have laughed in my face!
There are so many people out there who feel the way I did and desperately look at themselves wishing something could change, I do not proclaim to have the answers for these people, everybody’s journey is individual, all I hope for is that if you are reading this, dip your little toe in, you never know, it might be life changing!
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