This saying is so relevant to many periods of my life but means something completely different in each of those periods. Back in the day I did live life on the edge, I was definitely a crazy party animal, burned the candle at both ends and lived on about 4 hours sleep a night in the week, I still held down a responsible job but my priority was very much about having a good time!
Then, I took the decision that I needed to focus on my career so got a job 50 miles away and was very quickly given the opportunity to take on more responsibility, study further and I choose to work on the brink of my capabilities for many years. Reflectively I look back and realise it's not about the hours you put in (some weeks, including travelling I was probably clocking 65-70 hours) but the quality of those hours and I was literally on the edge of what is acceptable meaning I can't have been operating at 100%. And now, my life as a Mum to two babies under 2, I couldn't be living more on the edge!
People ask what's it's like to have two so close in age and I say, it's not double the work, but it is half the sleep (unfortunately when you've got two, it doesn't matter how late the youngest sleeps in and what an awful night you've had, the oldest still wakes up and wants to get up 'now'! Luckily Lydia sleeps through so things are easing up on that front). I also describe how you live on the brink of chaos. Something as simple as getting two babies dressed can take you from hero to zero in one toe stubbing, or one milk spilling, or one missing shoe. When you've got to be somewhere at a certain time, only a military operation will do otherwise you stand absolutely no hope! I am assured this gets 'easier' as they get older..... I am not naive enough to think this is because the children get easier, I assume it's because I will get better at it?
Even taking two babies shopping is a bit like living life on the edge, there are so many things that could go horribly wrong, I'm certain parents all over the world can give thousands of examples of when it has gone wrong and the completely unacceptable things that we do to keep everything calm! I'd love to hear about them, because ultimately they also make the funniest stories.
I'm also asked if I'll have more babies, and I honestly can't answer no to that question, so I must be motivated by living life on the edge, because I always seem to take the more difficult option time and time again.
When it really comes down to it, I guess the things that present the greatest challenges and stresses are also the things that create the greatest successes and achievements and there are days when I nail getting them both dressed without dramas. There are days where I get to places single handedly with time to spare and having not forgotten anything and sometimes shopping is actually enjoyable because the trolley has been loads of fun for one and got the other one to sleep!
I fully appreciate to some people these examples seem a bit mamby pamby, especially the people out there who don't see being a full time mum as a fulfilling life role, I understand why they'd feel like that.... I used to be one of those people!...... but I can't apologise for loving what I'm doing and wanting to talk about it.
One thing is for sure, every night on my way to bed after checking they are both ok (very quietly to not wake them and provoke any unnecessary chaos) and after looking at their angelic faces, I know for sure this is the most I've lived on the edge, the most I've enjoyed living on the edge, the most I've achieved living on the edge, the most I've savoured living on the edge and finally the most proud I've been of living on the edge.
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