My view and approach to breastfeeding.
I probably need to start this blog with a disclaimer as I’m sure some people that read may totally disagree with what I have to say. I would outline that I totally respect everyone’s views and how different people do things. I’m sure for every person who reads this and completely disagrees with me, there will be someone who totally agrees.
I’ve avoided this topic to be honest because I get really het up when I get dragged into conversations about it.... I also know it’s been written about tens and tens of thousands of times. The most recent thing that I read was a hospital referred to mothers who don’t breast feed their baby and use formula as ‘artificially feeding them’. I immediately wanted to be a keyboard warrior and voice my distain for this but I realise I’m very tetchy about it and need to think before I speak.... so that’s what I have done. I’ve thought, and now seems like a good time to speak.
I’m going to be brutally honest and hope I don’t offend anyone. This is my view and my experience. I’m not stupid, of course I know that nothing is better for your child than your milk. But to what cost? Is a breast fed baby, fed by a Mummy who is psychologically broken and in agony every time she puts her baby to her breast still better off than a bottle fed baby? A Mummy who is determined to carry on ‘because breast is best’ and if she can’t fight through the pain and emotion she just isn’t being very maternal and a good enough Mummy? This pressure is real and I’ve known lots of Mummy’s who feel like this, but because of the pressure from their NCT friends who are loving having their babies sucking on their breast and the health visitor who’s telling them it won’t last forever and the saying we are all so bloody fed up of hearing ‘breast is best’ they carry on. I passionately don’t feel like this is right! I also find myself feeling a little bit offended when people say that breast fed babies bond better with their parents. I wasn’t breast fed and have an amazing relationship with my Mum. I learned quite a lot about attachment theory during my psychology degree and I’m proud to say both of my children consistently show very normal, very strong and very secure attachment behaviours despite not being breast fed. There are people that just don’t understand that some ladies choose not to breast feed, not because they can’t, but because they don’t want to. What is actually wrong with this? I applaud these ladies for having the guts and strength of mind to say they don’t want to, in a society where breast feeding pressure is huge. I understand why these ladies can get very defensive about it as well, as they are branded as Mummy’s who aren’t as concerned about their babies health and well-being, compared to the Mummy who is glowing whilst having their baby feeding off them in complete contentment. Professionally, when I met new families one of the first questions I’d ask is ‘are you breastfeeding’ if the answer was yes I would encourage them to start using a bottle with their baby as soon as possible so when the baby enters childcare and Mummy is absent they will feed from someone else. I would also always encourage them not to give breast as comfort as when the inevitable happens and Mummy is absent the baby can’t cope because their comfort can not be replicated. In my opinion, a dummy, or teddy, or taggy is a much better comfort as it can be left with the child. I have seen so many babies start nursery and their whole world is turned upside down, not only because of the unknown happening, but because their food source and comfort was gone. It’s a lot for a little one to take in and whilst they get over it eventually, preparation is defiantly the key to a smoother transition. As a Mummy, the thought that I could potentially be the only thing that comforted my baby really bothered me. I didn’t want that. I wanted them to get comfort from other people, I didn’t want them to solely need me, I feel this is unrealistic and again when the inevitable happens and I wasn’t there the thought of them being distressed and not consolable actually made me feel a bit sick. Also, I was adamant that I would formulate a structured feeding routine very quickly with my babies, whether that be 2 hourly, 3 hourly or 4 hourly, there had to be a routine. Feeding on demand just wasn’t a thing that would fit with me. I need structure and an ability to plan, feeding on demand does not fit with this at all well so I didn’t do it. I would point out though that if either of the girls were distressed and hungry out of routine I wouldn’t withhold feed either (both of them went through crazy cluster feeding)...... I just followed a general rule and kept to that and had limits where the rules could be broken. I felt so passionate about the comfort and bottle feeding that I committed to expressing breast milk and bottle feeding it to Rosie. It was actually twice the work, expressing every few hours and then bottle feeding every few hours, but I did it and managed for about 6 months. With Lydia, I breast fed for about 48 hours and was in so much pain I stopped and expressed milk whilst I was getting loads and stopped as soon as my supply dropped off which was after about 3 weeks. Both the girls slept through the night from about six weeks and I’m sure not breast feeding them, having a feeding routine and giving them an external comforter (both of them have a dummy) contributed to this. I’m not saying what I’ve done is right, but it’s what is right for me and my family. I have a wonderful group of friends who vary from one feeding extreme to the other and never, ever have we fallen out about the varying ways and methods we choose to feed our very healthy babies. We don’t judge each other and I applaud all of them for having healthy thriving babies. What really bothers me, usually on support groups/forums or at baby groups is that ladies can be so nasty about other ladies who don’t breast feed, and that women feel the need to say ‘oh no I don’t breast feed’ apologetically, like it puts their baby at a disadvantage. I’ve seen the term ‘the breast feeding police’ used to describe the ladies who are very vocal about their breast feeding views (and not afraid to voice them, quite adamantly and quite aggressively), which is the best way to describe them I suppose and they are the ones who make me feel really passionate and almost a bit anti breastfeeding, which I know is completely ridiculous, but I can’t help it. I wish these ladies could be a bit more accepting and realise that it’s great they’ve made this choice for their child, but to think their child is better off than a formula fed baby who is being held lovingly in another ladies arms is totally absurd. I can see where society needs to be more accepting of women breast feeding in public, but I also think that society (particularly at the maternity point) needs to be a lot more accepting of women’s feeding choices for their baby and remove the pressure to breast feed. We can all make informed decisions about our feeding choices and we live in a free world which should be free of judgment, particularly when we are talking about the miracle of new life. Everybody has a story, everybody has a journey and everybody has a reason, before we judge we need to remember that. For every lady out there who has a happy, thriving, healthy baby, I applaud you! I don’t care how you feed or fed them! You’ve done a great job.
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