It doesn’t matter how well you think you know your child, it is impossible to predict exactly how they will react in new situations. I’ve seen it so many times, families about to start nursery and the parents telling us how their child will react and the exact opposite happening. There is nothing wrong with this, the fact that it’s a new situation means it’s the first time, never been seen before, so how could we always predict the correct outcome. Transitions for young children (i.e. moving house, changing nursery, moving up to big school, moving up to a big bed etc) are something that professionally really interested me and as a parent terrifies me. Let’s face it, transitions are a fact of life. They can’t be avoided. We all grow and change and we live in a society where we conform to educational laws where all children must start school (most start at 4). Research says that as parents we can often look at a small change in our children’s lives and with our rational minds, knowing it’s safe, secure and for the best, we underestimate the massive impact it has on our children who’s whole world has been turned upside down. All children in their early years will have at least one transition and that is starting school, most will have more (as listed above). Whilst this sounds horrific, that isn’t the point of the blog. There is a much more positive edge to it.....in my 16 years of childcare experience (and hundreds upon hundreds of families I cared for) I never once had a child who didn’t successfully ‘pull through’ a transition, even the ones who really struggled! The one thing that always shocks me about the little people is that they are inevitably very adaptable. Furthermore, most (and I say most, as I’m sure there are bad examples out there) teachers have been there and seen it and have an amazing reportaire of tricks and distractions to help the child and also build a beautiful relationship with them in the process. So when it came to Rosie, my philosophy was, minimise the transitions and do them as early as possible, the longer we wait the harder it will be! That’s why I took her out of the nursery she absolutely loved to move her to the school nursery where she will spend the rest of her educational years! One major change, one major transition and that’s it..... all sorted. The one thing I naively didn't realise was that I’m much more emotionally invested in Rosie’s response to these transitions and probably know a little too much about the impact they can have. Whilst I was sure it was the right thing (head thoughts) I was very nervous, doubtful and worried about it destroying her (heart thought). I needn’t have worried, she goes running into ‘school’ (we had to differentiate it from nursery) like it’s the best place in the world, she’s flourished more than we could have imagined and her teachers are just amazing (they have the skills!) There is so much choice and decision making that takes place regarding our little children before they enter school and every parent will make the right choice for them and their child. Whether their child has no transition until they are 4, or 10 before they are 4. I’m a great believer that children deal very well with situations that they are presented with, they may not be laughing or having the most wonderful time to start with, but they will get there with the help of their families and other external influences and every behaviour or reaction is unique and individual and ultimately character forming. If we completely protected our children from any form of fear, discomfort, or anxiety we would be setting them up for a major fail as all of these emotions are very real and a fact of life. If I can give Rosie and Lydia self belief, confidence and strength of character then I am setting them up well for all the transitions and the emotions that very naturally come with these changes. I say this having just found out Rosie will move to a new class, with a new teacher next term and I feel very sad, nervous and worried about that. I also have no doubt that she will, once again, surprise me with how she responds to it. Being a parent, who is also a professional in the field I often find myself thinking 'what would the professional me say to the parent me', so I thought I'd finish my story with some (hopefully) helpful hints and tips.
Tips to help you and your child during a transition.
Consistency is key - Children respond when things are repeated in the same way. It helps them plan and understand what is happening. For example - the same person dropping them off at nursery, or putting them to bed at around the same time. A clear routine gives a child an ability to order things and process new situations and will ultimately help them make sense of the new change and embrace it (obviously this all depends on what the transition is).
Don’t show emotion - Unless it super positive and completely free of negativity. If you show your child that you are anxious, upset or scared, as the person they trust in the world the most, they will react in the same way. Even if you want to break down and cry try and wait until you are out of your child’s ear/eye shot.
Be assertive - All humans respond well to some one who is in control. Children are the same. If you tell them calmly and firmly what is about to happen it should offer them a sense of calm and trust that all will be ok.
Prepare them - This one might be a bit controversial, but I’m a great believer in telling children where they are going, when and how long for. Even as babies (who won’t necessarily understand what you are saying). Tell them how wonderful it will be and what a lovely time they will have, or how proud you will be of them. This makes ‘it’ a positive experience. The longer you have to prepare them the better. I always found that second siblings who’d been in and out of nursery picking up their older sibling settled so quickly because they were already familiar. Lydia comes to Rosie’s school with me once a week to drop her off and isn’t starting for another year.
Be communicative - Be honest with teachers/carers and other family members. They will understand what you and your child are going through and being open and honest really helps to form a good relationship. I will only communicate positive things when Rosie and Lydia are in ear shot. I don’t want them to be labelled if there is anything negative (like how awful they’ve been that morning). Anything negative I will either call, email, or wait until its appropriate to share.
Have faith and trust - They will get there in the end. Remember, you, the parent, the expert on this little person, have made a decision with the very best interest of said little person at heart. If you’ve chosen childcare/school (a massive decision) it’s because you think it’s the best thing for you and your family. Trust that the other adults involved are equally invested in your child’s transition. I have never experienced a child not adapting to a transition in the end! Remember all the tips above - do the same thing, with assurance and confidence, honesty and openness and everything will work out! I promise.
Comentarios