Daily I’m having to remind myself that my toddler and pre-schooler being selfish isn’t their fault (or mine), it is totally normal and just another wave that I have to surf (some days it’s more like a tsunami than a wave!) until their ever developing brains teach them that it’s good to actually be nice once in a while, especially to their loving, doting, totally loyal parents. I can only assume the self centred, totally ego centric and self important mind of a little human is designed for survival. I guess back in cave man times the need for a vulnerable child to focus purely on their own needs gives them a motivation to eat, drink, sleep and complete all other tasks that keep them alive at what ever cost. This makes perfect sense to me, without it, human kind would not have survived.
Living it day in, day out is becoming ever more ‘challenging’ and some days I feel like a woman on the edge. After the 2000th demand of the day is made for the 8000th time my ability to think rationally about this and show my love and understanding to my needy and high maintenance girls has all but gone. Yesterday I think I put on and took off Rosie’s shoes 15 times. On the 16th time of putting them on, I said to her I am not doing this again. If I was you, I would keep them on, then you can go in and out as you please. This didn’t fall on deaf ears, instead of coming to me she went and found a new victim (my sister) to meet her quite unreasonable demands of taking her shoes off and putting them on (repeat, repeat, repeat). I guess I need to applaud her problem solving in this case, she knew she’d run out of luck with me, so went and found someone else to meet her demands.
How many of you have your toddler come running up to you saying 'i want juice' as you have an empty juice bottle (which you have lovingly and dutifully filled up 5 mins ago) thrown straight in your face? After all, saying it, requesting it isn't enough. They have to show you that they mean business by actions. They need you to know their juice bottle is empty and the power with which it hits you in the face is surely a sign of how much they 'NEED' it, 'RIGHT THIS SECOND'.
On our recent holiday, the use and need for the pushchair is getting smaller and smaller. The girls really are (particularly Rosie) growing out of it both literally and in their need for it. I learned some valuable lessons about the minds of my little people on this trip. They look at where they want to be and just go for it, no consideration for their own safety, no consideration for the tiny road and car heading straight for them and not even a second thought about how to complete their most recent, well thought plan without getting killed, maimed or giving their parents a heart attack. I also learned that the determination to complete these tasks is certainly impressive and if I could bottle and sell this level of determination I would be very, very, very rich.
What I’m struggling to understand, through this turbulent time is how we as a species have actually survived because I’m really certain that I’m not alone in this feeling of frustration and mental challenge. I'm certain every parent will 'get this' and I wonder how this hasn't put people off pro-creating for good. I was watching a nest of baby birds recently, there was 4 of them all stood at the edge of their nest making noise (I can only assume this was crying in bird speak) and then the Mummy bird flew back, fed one of them and off she went again. She did this again and again and again. Not once did the baby birds stop crying. I was thinking that the Mummy bird was amazing, completing this endless task, when would it stop. I wondered if the Mummy bird ever flew off and thought, I’m done with that, I’m not going back to that and took herself off to a tranquil lake to catch her favourite cuisine, enjoy some peace and take a well deserved rest. I'm sure she never did that. I'm sure she kept searching for the best grubs for her babies, leaving what was left for herself and just does this on repeat until her babies are big enough to look after themselves and then she’ll do it all again next year.
They say love conquers all, this must be true and how clever is Mother Nature to give us the ability to love and nurture, otherwise we’d take one look at our selfish little people and surely just leave them to it to protect our own sanity.
I’m trying my best to equip the girls with a moral compass, compassion, empathy, putting others first and I know that the single minded approach they currently take to life is developmental, I know it’s happening for a reason and is fundamental to making them amazing people, but my goodness it’s a challenge. I wake up every morning with a smile on my face, looking at my little cherubs and thinking how amazing they are. Then, before I have even finished my first wee of the day, with their eager little faces watching me, they are wanting milk, breakfast, pancakes not weetabix, to wear a dress not shorts, to have Ana plaits, not a bun, to wear trainers not sandals and I think of the Mummy bird and off I go to do it all over again.
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