This one is a bit off topic, but does fit in with my mantra that everyone has a story to tell and how telling your story can be so therapeutic and help you deal with trauma or negative experience, whilst potentially helping others. I appreciate this isn’t for everyone and fully respect that.
It’s crazy how life can throw twists and turns in all directions and you can find yourself in a situation where a perfect stranger is at risk. In that moment we have a decision to make. Do we help or do we move on and avoid the situation, protecting ourselves and then assume that everything will be ok?
Yesterday I was faced with this decision and it has really bothered me. Not because I regret what I did or didn’t do, but because in that moment I had to decide whether I risk my own safety and approach the situation or just move on.
This is what happened: I was driving and all of a sudden a car coming in the other direction drove onto my side of the road and pulled up on a grass verge. With all my mindset training, I didn’t shout abuse or complain, I just thought ‘that was close, what is that person doing?’. Two hours later I was driving back and the car was still parked on the grass verge. I thought this was strange, after all it was pitch black, a Sunday night and getting quite late. I then came to the motorway bridge just down the road and there was a man standing on it. I don’t know this man. I have no idea what he was doing there or what he was thinking but I felt really uncomfortable and worried that he was ok. I didn’t stop. I was concerned about my safety and putting myself in a vulnerable position, especially so late at night. Was I wrong for not stopping? Was I right to be concerned? I decided I’d call the police. At that moment a police car drove past me. So I thought, I’ll turn around, follow the police car and if they drive past the man and ignore him then everything must be ok. As I approached the bridge, there were now 2 police cars and 3 police men clinging on to this man, stopping him from jumping over the bridge. This has really made me think about society and the world we live in. I think we are all guilty of seeing something suspicious and convincing ourselves that we are over reacting, or over thinking it, or someone else will help. I will not do this anymore. This was a man in need, he needed help, support, someone to talk to (or something else). I still don’t think I should have stopped. If I had, I may have frightened him, making him do something in response, to me, or himself but my decision to call for help was the right thing to do and obviously someone else had thought the same thing. I really hope this man is ok, and gets the help and support he needs. On the other hand, a couple of years ago, my Husband had taken the girls for a walk mid morning. Rosie was about 22 months and in her little trike, which Daddy was pushing and he had Lydia (who was 3 months old) in a baby carrier on his chest. He came across a moped that was laid against a tree and covered in blood. He started calling out to see if everything was ok. The next thing, a man came running out of the bushes holding a gun and shouting at him ‘it’s none of your business, what’s your name, where do you live’. Rosie at 22 months was terrified and screaming and my husband found himself in a potentially dangerous situation, all for checking that everything is ok. Luckily, after some calm discussion on his part, he was able to walk away from the situation and he called the police, but he was totally shaken up about the potential danger that he and our beautiful children were in - all for seeing if someone needed help. After this we said we’d never put ourselves in a situation like that again. If we see someone needing help we would not get directly involved and try to do what we can from a safe distance. Anyone reading this would totally understand why we made a family agreement to approach situations in this way! We do not want a repeat of what happened, or potentially even worse. Is that right? Is it right that we are naturally suspicious of people and see them as a threat, is it right that in moments of pure craziness and potential trauma we think about our own needs and safety before that of the strangers stood in front of us? Is it right that we all have to navigate this world and even be thinking in this way? I’m aware that professionals in all emergency services are trained to only approach people if the area is safe for them to do so, but in the worst, most traumatic situations you hear about the people, whether that’s police, fire services, paramedics or just general members of the public who run to the danger to try and do their bit. Sometimes ending in further trauma and devastation. I am somebody who is naturally suspicious of other people. I am a pessimist and always think the most extreme outcome is the most likely outcome (you may just convert that to me being a bit of a drama queen - which is totally justified). But if something really terrible had happened to the man on the bridge and I hadn’t acted to intervene I don’t think I could have lived with myself. I’d have spent my eternity thinking I should have done more, forgetting that I was originally concerned for my own safety. How can looking back on an event make that initial feeling, initial emotion, initial decision making seem so insignificant when actually those raw emotions are the most defining, the most important and ultimately the ones that make us act for good or for bad.
Comments